hard conversations

the other night, hubby and i were laying on the couch.  and he was holding me and smooching my cheek.  and there was this heaviness on my heart.  it felt like a 90 pound weight just sitting on my chest.  and when i open my mouth to talk about it, it feels like someone with a military boot is just stepping on my throat.  and the hot tears start streaking down my face.  


it hurts to be real.  to be honest.  to gently tell hubby whats on my heart and to be able to allow him to respond. to not only talk to him about the hard stuff, but to let him talk to me about the hard stuff.  we're learning to do this in a way that is not blaming.  but loving.  


it's necessary.  to process things together.  the hard stuff.  it's no fun.  but it's worth it.


it's necessary.  and it's so sweet afterwards.  after i get the hard stuff off of my chest.  because i just LOVE this man that I call my beloved so much.  and i know that he loves me too.  and i wouldn't have it any other way. 


and the conversation ends with me being more in love with him than i ever have been.  and that i feel so loved by him and so at one with him.  and we fall asleep holding hands under the covers.  his fingers touching mine.  and i fall asleep praying.  thank you jesus for this man that you have made me one with.  protect us.  grow our love for each other.  

oh, i did forget to mention one thing.  solomon put it well in the bible:


"as an apple tree among the trees in the forest, so is my beloved among the young men.  with great delight i sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste." song of solomon 2:3

and what i mean by that is

Giddy Up

and that's all i have to say about that.