i need to post more!

i am going to do another post soon.  i promise.  sorry, i've neglected you, blog.  it's a lot harder to blog with an ipad because i can't upload pictures.  so i have to wait until i'm actually using a real computer.  so little time, so much to do...

here is one of my most recent creations.  it is hanging in my bathroom above the toilet. haha. i don't know if it's done yet, i haven't decided.

Psalm 103

Last night, Paul and I were at Ninkasi for 'Pints for a Cause'.  On Mondays, they give 25% to a non-profit.  Last night was for a non-profit called 'Daughters'.  They are survivors of sex-trafficking in Cambodia who are taught to sew and make dresses and purses that are sold in a bridal store in Indianapolis.  They are very talented women.

We were talking to a good friend of ours.  And he reminded me of something that I am so thankful for. Our God is not a god of karma.  I have been praying for his favor on me and my life.  Thinking about how I need to do more good for Him so he will be with us and protect us.  Praise Jesus that is not how he works...  pay attention to verses 6-14.  Sometimes we get upset like, 'Lord I'm seeking you and I don't feel you.  Aren't you supposed to bless me?'  And when it gets down to the nitty gritty... can we honestly do anything to win his love?  No, he loves us no matter what.  And to win his favor is to fear him and love him with all our hearts and souls and minds.

Psalm 103

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
    and all that is within me,
    bless his holy name!
² Bless the Lord, O my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits,
³ who forgives all your iniquity,
    who heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit,
    who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
⁵ who satisfies you with good
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

⁶ The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all who are oppressed.
⁷ He made known his ways to Moses,
    his acts to the people of Israel.
⁸ The Lord is merciful and gracious,
    slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹ He will not always chide,
    nor will he keep his anger forever.
¹⁰ He does not deal with us according to our sins,
    nor repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
¹³ As a father shows compassion to his children,
    so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
¹⁴ For he knows our frame;^[a]
    he remembers that we are dust.

¹⁵ As for man, his days are like grass;
    he flourishes like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
    and its place knows it no more.
¹⁷ But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
    and his righteousness to children's children,
¹⁸ to those who keep his covenant
    and remember to do his commandments.
¹⁹ The Lord has established his throne in the heavens,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰ Bless the Lord, O you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his word,
    obeying the voice of his word!
²¹ Bless the Lord, all his hosts,
    his ministers, who do his will!
²² Bless the Lord, all his works,
    in all places of his dominion.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!

lately

i made my first homemade pie with crust and everything!  strawberry rhubarb.  yummy yum yum.  I made it with my Hope Ranch peeps.  It was awesome.  And the homemade pie crust is sooo WORTH making! :)  the difference is incredible - the flakiness.  the way it browns in the oven.  yum.

also, check out this bike that i found on 5th street by steelhead brewery and cornucopia!  someone made this themselves.  the brilliance that these eugene hippies come up with never ceases to amaze me. this is pretty awesome.

it's a regular bike!  and someone took a skateboard to make a seat for a passenger.  and some handlebars for them to hold on to.  crazy awesome.

brokenness.

"Mercy has a cost: Someone must be broken for someone else to be fed." -Jen Hatmaker, Interrupted

in college, i would sit in a coffee shop with my friends and dream up about what the church should be like and how to live it out.  the conversation always went down the social justice road.

now that i spend most of my time volunteering for Hope Ranch, taking care of the sick at my work, and being blessed by the homeless kids at Hosea, i'm in pretty deep and loving living out the social justice aspect that i've always dreamed of.  it's just the heart that the Lord has given me and I LOVE it.  jesus really meets me in those places.

but there is still something wrong.  i was talking to my best friend, Amanda, on the phone the other day (she is the other half of my brain -  no joke).  the Lord has been showing me how prideful I am.

I mean this is about to get really really ugly, friends...

me: "amanda, i just don't understand how pastors can think they are actually living out the bible... i mean, all they focus on are christians and being out of debt and owning a big house and having a bible study and a bbq with the people who have been members for 30 years...  but the heart of God is social justice!"

amanda:  "no, ky. the heart of God is salvation.  it's being broken from sin.  it's grace."


me: silence.  oh my God, i am completely missing the point. she is right.


i really wish I was kidding.  that these thoughts didn't go through my head.

i've also been caring more about what others think than what God thinks.  i've been worried about people judging my salvation because i hang out with this person and go to this pub and i say these words.

me actually questioning the place the the Lord has put me because i am worried about whether or not someone will think i'm a believer...  that people are judging the outcomes of my harvest.  that people see the homeless  guy i just gave money to tripping on 5th street.  that people think that my words and counseling have helped 'her' make the bad decisions she's making.

see where i'm going with this?  why do i care what others are thinking and saying?  because i want to be liked.  i want people to think i'm awesome.  P.R.I.D.E.

but it's not about me.  it's about Him.  and His glory.

this post is getting long, but stick with me for a minute...


i think we are called to brokenness.  i don't ever want to think that i have earned my salvation.  i want to remember that it's by grace i've been saved through faith, not by works... so that no one can boast.  i believe that grace is the only thing i have.  i always want to feel the brokenness.  i want to be humble and at the bottom.  i don't want to be on top or in the spot light.  i realize how much i need him.  and how much of a freaking prideful sinner i am.  i hate it.

i'm reading "Interrupted" by Jen Hatmaker right now, and she's helping me sort through some things...

jesus was broken for our sins.  in the last supper, he broke bread with his disciples saying, this is my body, broken for you.  eat.

his death has given us life.

lastly, i just want to share this verse with you. "We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.  so then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you." 2 corinthians 4:10-12

and here it is, friends...

Death in me = life in you.

Broken so someone else is fed.

"Feed my lambs."

we're called to brokenness.  it's the cost of mercy.  so that the lambs can be fed and have life.

brokenness is what i long for.

and there is beauty in brokenness.

"Brokenness Aside" All Sons & Daughters

We've been singing this song a lot at Ekklesia and Beautiful Mess.  It is my heart right now.

been busy

we've had my in-laws here for the last 2 weeks.  it was awesome.  i love them.  i love family.  it was great.

and what has been overtaking my life?  every moment that i'm not working, i am working on pharmacology homework.  who would have thought that it would still be so challenging even after working in a pharmacy for 3 years.

it really hasn't been that glamorous.  this was just the most pleasant day of studying that i'd had in a while!

2 more weeks of class.  i will try and post more!

radio

Diana and I were interviewed on a local radio show on Friday.  If you want to listen click here.  we are the Hope Ranch show.  The Real Ladies talk for about 20 minutes, then there is a commercial break and Diana and I are then interviewed.  Let me know what you think if you listen!

(Source: Hope Ranch)

hey baby, let's go to vegas.

so i had this crazy idea.  and i'm asking you to join me.  the most i have ever run is 4.6 miles in my best friend's neighborhood.  but i am thinking about whipping myself into shape to run my first half marathon...

is a half marathon in Vegas on December 2nd.  it is targeting the party life, have sex, drink and be merry.  just the place we need to go and take some light.


so here is my crazy idea,  get as many people together as possible and all run the half or full marathon together wearing matching tshirts educating our fellow runners and audience about sex trafficking.  little boys and girls, men and women are being sold 1 mile from the same strip we'll be running on.  let's take a stance.  let's show them there is a way out and there are people on their side.  let's make the news and tell the world we will not stand for this.  please, think about running this with me.

here are some ideas for tshirts...

perspective

the statistic is 300,000 children are sex-trafficked in the united states.  i can guarantee you that it's way more than that.  especially with some of the people that i talk to who have never reported it.  that statistic is incredibly low.  so i just wanted to put this into perspective for you.  

it would take 3 ohio state football stadiums to hold the number of children currently being trafficked in the united states.  read the previous sentence again.  and that is only counting the statistic.  the capacity of the buckeye stadium is 102, 329 people.  wow.

that is 300, 000 children being bought and sold for sex 10-20 times a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  and that doesn't include the one's who got into the life at 13 years old and just turned, 18 years old - legal age. 

guys, we are seriously facing a modern day holocaust.  and most people don't know about it or don't want to know about it.  

do something now.  please, for the love of God.  Do Something.

at every red light you stop at,  pray for the red light district.  educate your friends and family.  give.  pray.  and love your neighbor.

hood

if you come visit us and fly into PDX, you get to see this pretty site.  i've seen it almost every time i fly back!  Mount Hood.  and you can kind of see Mount St. Helen's in the background as well.  Both active volcanoes.  kind of exciting!  some of the most beautiful places are here.  come out and see us!

one of my favorite things...

when i act goofy, i talk in a southern accent.  it's a habit, thanks to erin elizabeth.  that's just how we've talked to each other since 4th grade.  "i'm I-talian, i take a hog to the fair (hick accent) hahaha.  anyway,  this is one of my favorite things about ohio.  when the storms come in.

the air cools off, it gets really windy and it smells like rain.  i just LOVE it!  here you go...

NATA

paul was in the national athletic training association journal.  oh. my. gosh.

he is the one on the very left with the blonde wig!  hahaha!  can you believe that this is how he appears in his professional magazine.  i love it!  maybe it will help him land a job next year!?  what do you think?

here is the post i blogged all about the O-lympics!  enjoy!

date with my love.

hubster is so incredibly busy.  it's baseball season.  it's hard.  but he is amazing.  and i know this is a phase of life and i need to support him.  i am crazy busy as well.  and i'm happy.  i am content.  life is full right now and it feels good.  sorry my posts are so few and far between.

we got to have a nice little date night the other day.  right after we got married, we took a mini honeymoon or a 'prelude to our honeymoon' for a couple of days in west virginia.  we went white water rafting, etc.  then we took our actual honeymoon 4 months later.  i highly recommend that.  anyway, in WV we went to the movies together.  it was like our first date after we were married. and we saw the movie, "The Ugly Truth".  It is somewhat raunchy (cussing), but it is pretty funny.  anyway, i bought the movie real quick one day after work along with a bottle of vino and some goat brie cheese.  and ta-da! it was a date night!

and the wine... hahah.  we had never had this wine.  but the marketing got me.  it was called monogamy.  and well, here was the description.  and i am a head over heels romantic.  i like the mushy gushy stuff.  

the wine wasn't the best wine i've ever had, but it was alright.  my date, with my hubby however, was wonderful.  seriously, i am so amazed at how perfect paul is for me.  i love him sooo much and i am so excited that he is mine and i am his for the rest of our lives!  eek!

i got a job

poodle's birthday

Des turned 4 on Wednesday!  And i just loved this video.  Watch his little tail just wag...  :)

ipad

yep.  i've been saving up all of my money in my little jewelry box on my dresser since december.  with birthday and christmas money and my target discount, i got the new ipad.  i love it.  i highly recommend them.  especially if you don't have the money to buy a mac laptop.  i take it every where with me.  


and here is my little poodle boy interacting with it.  we put on a dog video on youtube.  haha!  he touches his nose to the ipad and the screen moves all around, etc.  he's so smart :)

hard conversations

the other night, hubby and i were laying on the couch.  and he was holding me and smooching my cheek.  and there was this heaviness on my heart.  it felt like a 90 pound weight just sitting on my chest.  and when i open my mouth to talk about it, it feels like someone with a military boot is just stepping on my throat.  and the hot tears start streaking down my face.  


it hurts to be real.  to be honest.  to gently tell hubby whats on my heart and to be able to allow him to respond. to not only talk to him about the hard stuff, but to let him talk to me about the hard stuff.  we're learning to do this in a way that is not blaming.  but loving.  


it's necessary.  to process things together.  the hard stuff.  it's no fun.  but it's worth it.


it's necessary.  and it's so sweet afterwards.  after i get the hard stuff off of my chest.  because i just LOVE this man that I call my beloved so much.  and i know that he loves me too.  and i wouldn't have it any other way. 


and the conversation ends with me being more in love with him than i ever have been.  and that i feel so loved by him and so at one with him.  and we fall asleep holding hands under the covers.  his fingers touching mine.  and i fall asleep praying.  thank you jesus for this man that you have made me one with.  protect us.  grow our love for each other.  

oh, i did forget to mention one thing.  solomon put it well in the bible:


"as an apple tree among the trees in the forest, so is my beloved among the young men.  with great delight i sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste." song of solomon 2:3

and what i mean by that is

Giddy Up

and that's all i have to say about that.

O death where is your sting?

I surprisingly wasn't incredibly homesick yesterday for Easter. We went to Ekklesia for service in the Hult Center. It was a beautiful service! And Pastor Wes preached it, sister. And brother.

 our church rented out the Hult Center (where they usually have orchestras, ballets, plays, etc.) in downtown Eugene.  We just had one service and invited the entire town.  It was incredible.  It opened up with the children singing about 3 songs.  One of my favorite little girls kept saying "Hi Mommy, Hi Daddy"  about every 2 minutes.  it was soo cute and HILARIOUS!  kids were jumping off of the front row bleacher and hitting each other, and the yelling "Jesus Saves".  haha.  It just made me think of us, His children, His bride.  We are still being refined, and yet, He still loves our praise.  know what i mean?  more on that later.

Paul and I started hanging out with these people on sundays, well we hang out with them a lot more than just sundays.  but they moved here from Alabama to be missionaries.  pretty amazing.  We call ourselves the beautiful mess.  our mission is just to love the city of Eugene radically.  particularly the Whiteaker area.  so on sunday, we had an Easter feast for the homeless.  it blessed my heart so much.  and some of my kids from hosea (the homeless shelter that i volunteer at) were there!  and it was so nice to fellowship with them and sing praises to Jesus with them.  if you wanna know more just ask.  here is a short video of what my sunday looked like.  Paul is in the hunter green serving food.  i am in pink and talking the whole time.  i didn't know that my friend Ethan was recording. it's a bit embarrassing, actually.

birthday gifts

i just want to share with you how AWESOME my birthday was this year.  i was so worried that it was going to be the worst birthday of my life since i'm so far away from everyone that i know and love.  let me just tell you, it was a GREAT birthday!  i had approximately 6 packages in the mail.

i received so many beautiful cards that made my heart squeeze so tight because i was so excited.

the knapps sent me some good madcap. yum.

mom and dad sent me a whole bunch of goodies.

amanda sent me a bottle of wine.

amers and molly sent me the most beautiful yarn wreath and most exciting birthday mail package i've ever gotten.  it had molly's stickers all over it!

and chels sent me a GORGEOUS apron that i am loving to cook in!

my wreath.  i have to display it in my living room!

apron that hangs on display in my kitchen when it's not on me while i cook.

my camera was dead when everything came, so this is from paul's blackberry.  coffee, wine, i'm borrowing mom and dads gps, turbo tax, and she sent me some oil of oregano - a great thing for me since i'm allergic to antibiotics!

a taste of the beautiful box molly and amers sent.  i wanted to show you all of it, but i don't want you to see their address... no no no.   gotta protect my molly girl. :)

THANK YOU for an amazing birthday.

for jesse

and his 21st birthday, i made a pretty rad tshirt.  i got the idea on pinterest.  

pinterest

and here is the version i made for jesse boy using dana's (from made) freezer paper stencil tutorial.  hubby so kindly modeled.  hahaha!

narnia?

our grass is super green here.  it stays super green all winter long.  which is pretty awesome.  the flowers have been blooming for over a month now.  but we had a bit of snow.  it hasn't snowed like this in years, i guess.  it's hilarious.  we got maybe 6 inches and the entire city shut down. and no one knows how to drive in the snow here.  anyway, just wanted to share this photo from yesterday.  it is so beautiful.  it reminds me of Narnia.

El Roi

one of my strengths is also one of my greatest weaknesses.  i had the director of a nursing program look me in the eye and say, "you need to be more sympathetic and less empathetic.  empathy will ruin you."  sympathy is understanding the pain of someone while empathy is climbing into the pit with them and experiencing the pain with them. you can see how empathy can be burdensome.  

i am trying to learn how to give my empathy to the Lord to use it not to destroy me, but for His good.  it is so hard for me.

because i met a girl with 3 children - all the result of a rape.  the first two children are products of a rape from her step father and the third is from a rape on the streets.  this girl, the mom, is 20 years old.  and the way she is looking for love is through a lesbian partnership - this is what she thinks real love is.  

and there is another girl whose mom sold her for sex at the age of 4.  and now she has a "boyfriend" or pimp who sells her for sex. and she loves him because he's the only person in the world that will sit with her and pet her hair for hours while she cries - this is what she thinks real love is.

and there was another girl in the homeless shelter the other day who was starving.  yes, here in america.  she hadn't eaten for 2 days because her mom ran out of food stamps. and her pleading eyes look at me as she asked, "are we allowed to get seconds?"  because this is probably the only meal she'll have for 48 hours until we're open again.  

and there is another girl whose mom held her down while her mom's boyfriend raped her and took her virginity. and now the only way she can have sex with her own boyfriend is by taking hard drugs to make her high enough to get through the painful memories - this is what she thinks love is.

and there is no place for this in my head and my heart.  i just can't wrap my mind around it.  i feel heart wrenching, gut punching pain.  and i'm trying to give it to Jesus.  what do you want me to do about it, God?  Why are you showing me these things? How do you want me to fix this?

WTF.

God?

I can say WTF, because the psalms are one big WTF.  Jesus! where are you?  come and heal us.  heal our land. we live in such darkness.  it's overwhelming when i'm in it.  but there is no other way, friends.  because we are called to take our light into the darkness and tell these girls about real LOVE.  real HOPE.  real LIFE.  They need you, friend.  they need you to show them the love of the one who redeemed you and brought you out of the darkness.

"I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one.  They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.  Set them apart in the truth; your word is truth.  As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world." John 17:15-18

send us, Father.  Lead us.  help us to take our light into this dark world. Jesus, you are the only hope we have.

(source)

El Roi

the god who sees

and i believe that there is hope for these girls.  i believe that they can have complete healing and be completely restored.  because my God is the god who sees.  he saw them while evil was making them a victim.  he had the power to intervene.  but he did not.  and i believe with everything in me that redemption, healing and complete restoration is possible.  or else El Roi would have intervened.

(source)

go and shine your light, beloved. 

she's coming!

i have a best friend.  and she's coming to see me.  it couldn't be more perfect timing because hubby has to travel with the baseball team that week.  


let me just tell you... she is the most incredible woman that you will EVER meet.  you can read a little bit about her heart here.  her name is amanda.  i call her loty girl.  do not call her mandy. no sir, she does not like that.  she is my david and i am her jonathan.  


she is coming in just a few days.  and i need to share a little secret with you.  i have been counting them down, one by one.

yep that would be a paper chain.  you tear a ring off one day at a time.

you may think it's weird or unhealthy, i don't know.  i just need her in my life.  i honestly don't think i could live without her.  she is literally my left brain - or my right brain - whichever side is better, that is what she is to me.  i don't know if it's good or bad, but it's just the way it is. i'm just telling you the truth.

when i am processing things, i can't do it without her.   i honest-to-God cannot make a judgement or conclusive decision without talking it out with her.  the Lord put her in my life for a reason.  she is my other half.  and i love her deeply.  i would do anything in the world for her.

and when she is driving home late at night, hundreds of miles away from me.  you know what i do?  i worry. i worry that something crazy might happen... i can't even talk about it because i have a big GULP swelling up in my throat just thinking about it.  so, guys, you know what else i do, i pray for her and her safety until i fall asleep.  i don't know what i would do without her.  i don't even want to think about it.

this special girl is coming to see me and my hubby and just a couple of days.  and we are sooo very very excited.  she is more a part of us than she even realizes.  i love you loty girl. get here safely and quickly.  because i hate living without you close by.

clutch

i saw this clutch and freaked out.

i follow homemade by jill's blog.

so of course i had to make it.  here is the tutorial that i used.  and funny enough, the clutch she made is in the same color i made.  it was so simple.  and so quick to do.  the only thing that i had trouble with was the ends of the zipper.  it is only the 2nd zipper i've put in.

i can't decide if i like the bow better on the side or in the middle.

which way do you like it better?

but my favorite part is the lining!

grocery carts and parking lots.

can i just tell you something that makes me madder than a hornet?  people in eugene do not know how to take the grocery carts to the shopping cart return.  


they park it right beside your car and it makes me want to punch someone in the face.

see!?!? grrrr.

the closest one is the one in front of my car.  but, do you see the other one between the gold and blue car?!?  seriously? seriously, people?  


and this happens every single time i'm in a parking lot where there are grocery carts. i just don't understand how people can just do that? 

it really pushes my buttons.  is anyone with me?