birthday gifts

i just want to share with you how AWESOME my birthday was this year.  i was so worried that it was going to be the worst birthday of my life since i'm so far away from everyone that i know and love.  let me just tell you, it was a GREAT birthday!  i had approximately 6 packages in the mail.

i received so many beautiful cards that made my heart squeeze so tight because i was so excited.

the knapps sent me some good madcap. yum.

mom and dad sent me a whole bunch of goodies.

amanda sent me a bottle of wine.

amers and molly sent me the most beautiful yarn wreath and most exciting birthday mail package i've ever gotten.  it had molly's stickers all over it!

and chels sent me a GORGEOUS apron that i am loving to cook in!

my wreath.  i have to display it in my living room!

apron that hangs on display in my kitchen when it's not on me while i cook.

my camera was dead when everything came, so this is from paul's blackberry.  coffee, wine, i'm borrowing mom and dads gps, turbo tax, and she sent me some oil of oregano - a great thing for me since i'm allergic to antibiotics!

a taste of the beautiful box molly and amers sent.  i wanted to show you all of it, but i don't want you to see their address... no no no.   gotta protect my molly girl. :)

THANK YOU for an amazing birthday.

for jesse

and his 21st birthday, i made a pretty rad tshirt.  i got the idea on pinterest.  

pinterest

and here is the version i made for jesse boy using dana's (from made) freezer paper stencil tutorial.  hubby so kindly modeled.  hahaha!

narnia?

our grass is super green here.  it stays super green all winter long.  which is pretty awesome.  the flowers have been blooming for over a month now.  but we had a bit of snow.  it hasn't snowed like this in years, i guess.  it's hilarious.  we got maybe 6 inches and the entire city shut down. and no one knows how to drive in the snow here.  anyway, just wanted to share this photo from yesterday.  it is so beautiful.  it reminds me of Narnia.

El Roi

one of my strengths is also one of my greatest weaknesses.  i had the director of a nursing program look me in the eye and say, "you need to be more sympathetic and less empathetic.  empathy will ruin you."  sympathy is understanding the pain of someone while empathy is climbing into the pit with them and experiencing the pain with them. you can see how empathy can be burdensome.  

i am trying to learn how to give my empathy to the Lord to use it not to destroy me, but for His good.  it is so hard for me.

because i met a girl with 3 children - all the result of a rape.  the first two children are products of a rape from her step father and the third is from a rape on the streets.  this girl, the mom, is 20 years old.  and the way she is looking for love is through a lesbian partnership - this is what she thinks real love is.  

and there is another girl whose mom sold her for sex at the age of 4.  and now she has a "boyfriend" or pimp who sells her for sex. and she loves him because he's the only person in the world that will sit with her and pet her hair for hours while she cries - this is what she thinks real love is.

and there was another girl in the homeless shelter the other day who was starving.  yes, here in america.  she hadn't eaten for 2 days because her mom ran out of food stamps. and her pleading eyes look at me as she asked, "are we allowed to get seconds?"  because this is probably the only meal she'll have for 48 hours until we're open again.  

and there is another girl whose mom held her down while her mom's boyfriend raped her and took her virginity. and now the only way she can have sex with her own boyfriend is by taking hard drugs to make her high enough to get through the painful memories - this is what she thinks love is.

and there is no place for this in my head and my heart.  i just can't wrap my mind around it.  i feel heart wrenching, gut punching pain.  and i'm trying to give it to Jesus.  what do you want me to do about it, God?  Why are you showing me these things? How do you want me to fix this?

WTF.

God?

I can say WTF, because the psalms are one big WTF.  Jesus! where are you?  come and heal us.  heal our land. we live in such darkness.  it's overwhelming when i'm in it.  but there is no other way, friends.  because we are called to take our light into the darkness and tell these girls about real LOVE.  real HOPE.  real LIFE.  They need you, friend.  they need you to show them the love of the one who redeemed you and brought you out of the darkness.

"I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one.  They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.  Set them apart in the truth; your word is truth.  As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world." John 17:15-18

send us, Father.  Lead us.  help us to take our light into this dark world. Jesus, you are the only hope we have.

(source)

El Roi

the god who sees

and i believe that there is hope for these girls.  i believe that they can have complete healing and be completely restored.  because my God is the god who sees.  he saw them while evil was making them a victim.  he had the power to intervene.  but he did not.  and i believe with everything in me that redemption, healing and complete restoration is possible.  or else El Roi would have intervened.

(source)

go and shine your light, beloved. 

she's coming!

i have a best friend.  and she's coming to see me.  it couldn't be more perfect timing because hubby has to travel with the baseball team that week.  


let me just tell you... she is the most incredible woman that you will EVER meet.  you can read a little bit about her heart here.  her name is amanda.  i call her loty girl.  do not call her mandy. no sir, she does not like that.  she is my david and i am her jonathan.  


she is coming in just a few days.  and i need to share a little secret with you.  i have been counting them down, one by one.

yep that would be a paper chain.  you tear a ring off one day at a time.

you may think it's weird or unhealthy, i don't know.  i just need her in my life.  i honestly don't think i could live without her.  she is literally my left brain - or my right brain - whichever side is better, that is what she is to me.  i don't know if it's good or bad, but it's just the way it is. i'm just telling you the truth.

when i am processing things, i can't do it without her.   i honest-to-God cannot make a judgement or conclusive decision without talking it out with her.  the Lord put her in my life for a reason.  she is my other half.  and i love her deeply.  i would do anything in the world for her.

and when she is driving home late at night, hundreds of miles away from me.  you know what i do?  i worry. i worry that something crazy might happen... i can't even talk about it because i have a big GULP swelling up in my throat just thinking about it.  so, guys, you know what else i do, i pray for her and her safety until i fall asleep.  i don't know what i would do without her.  i don't even want to think about it.

this special girl is coming to see me and my hubby and just a couple of days.  and we are sooo very very excited.  she is more a part of us than she even realizes.  i love you loty girl. get here safely and quickly.  because i hate living without you close by.

clutch

i saw this clutch and freaked out.

i follow homemade by jill's blog.

so of course i had to make it.  here is the tutorial that i used.  and funny enough, the clutch she made is in the same color i made.  it was so simple.  and so quick to do.  the only thing that i had trouble with was the ends of the zipper.  it is only the 2nd zipper i've put in.

i can't decide if i like the bow better on the side or in the middle.

which way do you like it better?

but my favorite part is the lining!