contentment

i am applying for grad school in october.  it is a difficult program to get into.  but Jesus knows whether i will or not.  i am applying to The Ohio State University's Graduate Entry Family Nurse Practitioner Program. There are so many things I want to do with it to make a difference in the world.  more on that later.


i have a lot to do and focus on.  i need to take pharmacology and the GRE and do well on it.  


i started a phlebotomy class (learning to draw blood) this last week.  and after much prayer and discussing with my hubster, we decided it really isn't of benefit or a smart financial choice.  so i dropped out of it.  it feels really good and it's the right choice.  after calling to drop out, i went to cancel the books i ordered and they hadn't been shipped yet, PTL. so it was simple to cancel that.  we were also supposed to pay for that class by today and Paul's school loans to help us live have not come through... so it's a really good thing that i dropped the class because I would not have been able to pay for it anyway.  i don't know if i'm writing this well and you understand, but basically His timing is perfect. and i know it's right.


i've never trusted Jesus like this.  it feels really good.  i don't know what's going on, but He does. i just love spending so much time with Him.  


i had THE worst day of my working experience EVER on Tuesday.  I worked alone with a new pharmacist for the first time.  it was also my first time closing.  i didn't know what i was doing.  the training at Target Pharmacy is awful and useless (or maybe it is just my experience).  it was a mess.  the pharmacist was really mean and short with me at some points.  but i stuck it out.  i wanted to cry and just walk out and leave.  but i didn't.  by His strength, i made it through.  I have no other way to explain it.  i don't know why this is the job he gave me, and why it is so hard.  but it's where i'm supposed to be.  it will look good on my graduate program resume, it's good experience, it pays decently and i'm fully leaning on Him.  I came home and just WEPT all night.  Paul and I prayed and read together.  and i have peace.  it is REALLY hard. but on Monday, i am going back to my job and i'm going to do it all over again.  and i have faith that He will give me strength and get me through it.  I cannot take a breath or go a day at work without His spirit in me.  i'm just leaning on Him and we're just going right along.


i need to go through this.  it's the hardest thing i've ever done.  but we will make it through.  it's so sweet to trust in Him and walk with Him. i have no one else but Him.  no community to walk with, no family here. no close friends.  It's my husband (we are one) and my sweet sweet savior.

(source)

and now i'm sick.  tissues and tea it is.